October 01, 2019
Don't get me wrong... I made a milestone... But i feel i still have major moments... I still have giant mountains i feel i still need to climb to make it to half were I need to be... And I know i wont get it right just off the bat... But even knowing that I still have to remind myself on a daily...to hourly bases that its going to be okay... Jus breath... Just realx... Its okay to not get it all at once...
I know where my goal is... I know its still going to be a battle... And i know that i have a long road head before I can even think of the forgiveness i strive from everyone in my life ive hurt... I have alot of work on my own self before i can even begin to feel somewhat normal again...
And it sucks... It hurts so bad... And there is nothing i can do about it but move forward... Keeping breathing... Go do the things i know i need to do to make myself a better person... Stop letting people take advantage of me... Realize its okay to be alone...stand up for myself.. Thats the most important thing.. Stand up for myself when I feel i have been wronged... Or disrespected...
And tell myself I am worth it all until i finally believe it.. And then still continue to tell myself just incase i forget...
I have made many horrible mistakes in my life... And ive caused alot of pain... Ive hurt alot of people... Even more so the most dear to me... I broke myself more then any person in my life has tried... And i nearly gave it all up because i couldnt take the guilt of it all anymore... But i know now how far ive come... And i dont know how long this road is... But i know whats waiting for me on the otherside... Ill take it as far as i need to travel... Because i know what im going to become when i get there...
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