Dear Diary,
Everyday I'm getting convinced more and more of this idea. That the only way I'll find happiness is if I get out of here.
The other day in the hospital I was talking to a doctor about an app idea,....
I know this has become a joke with me. Every time I find someone remotely related to the medical field, I ask them about this app idea thing. It's not really getting ahead now, but i never give up. .You know I'm not that person.The idea has a special significance for me I think.
Anyway, So I explained the whole thing to the doc,and his face looked like it was still waiting for the bulb to light up. He started talking about some heart diseases and some unrelated non sense. He was totally not paying attention. Since we got to the heart topic, I told him about the nutmeg poisoning article I read about that day. He thought I was joking or trying to impress him with my pseudo science knowledge. ...He said, yeah,yeah, we'll discuss about it later.
I wasn't joking,an 8 year old boy had died from it. Wouldn't it have benefited him to atleast listen.Atleast out of curiosity? I thought being a doc was like being a lifetime student. But he wasn't willing to listen. Why? Because I wasn't a doc?I was younger? Cause I didn't have all the great knowledge he did? Cause he was so convinced he knew better??
I wasn't bothered by him, because he belittled me. I don't care. That's one good quality I know I have. I can walk into any room and spew whatever bs I want to say and not care whatever they think of me. I think that's what got me this far. So it's not that.
What irritates me is that, he reminds me of all the people I come across in this country. They're not curious about anything, they're satisfied with everything they have and everything they see around them. Their life goal is to settle. Grow up , go to school, get a well paying job, get married,fuck ,have kids, send them to school, retire, then die peacefully. Enough. This is all they want. Anything out of this pattern is just waste of time for them. They make fun of people who try to deviate from this cycle.
I have tried talking ideas to people and when I see the blank stares on their faces, I honestly don't know what to do. Its like they're telling me, 'ok,so u have all these ideas and so..... what do u want me to do about it?'
I have had better responses from email correspondences with people abroad. The other day, I read the article about rahul panicker and his baby warming blanket innovation. It has saved millions of poor babies' lives in india and around the world. It's cheap,affordable,simple design...And does the job. He did it when he was in Stanford, I don't think anyone would have supported him if he were doing the same thing here.
Just imagine how happy and content he'll feel when he leaves this world. I want to be something like that. But I feel like if I stay here in this country none of it , will ever happen. My dreams will wither away drowned amomgst all the blank stares and empty faces. Being a girl, it's even harder. They already have some preset assumptions about you and what interests you and what you want to do with life, but when u deviate from it ,they don't know what to do with you,they look at you like you're some alien. I'm sick of it. All of it.
I want to go away. I want to be somewhere where I can make things happen. Where people listen to me, not just hear me. And not look at me like some freak. I want to be somewhere where people will let me learn and grow. I don't want to be just somebody's roti maker and baby making machine. I can do more than that. I know time is limited and I've to learn things fast, but I'm trying hard everyday. I hope I'll have enough energy to make it out there.
....Hoping for a good weekend ahead.....
Peace!