I'm Hurt.

Im hurt. Deeply. I have no idea how to deal with the situations like this. Time heals. I want to get some closure before it heals. I want to escape from this pain. 

Why bad things happen to me? 

I always get what I WANT. I will never get what I NEED. I should not have any desires, it always ends in pain. 

One day, when the time heals, when my stupid dumb brain forgets how Im feeling today, it all seems so simple. Hope, at least this diary will remind me.

Now, I don't even know what's wrong with my life. What am I gonna do? 

I've always been a dreamer. Nothing in my life is simple. There are many stories. The good ones are very few. I always dream about telling great stories of my life, to my friends, to my family. But my life always plans something else. 

Why nothing doesn't happen as I expected?

Im thankful, that I got wonderful parents, showing true and selfless love, that I'll never understand and that I don't deserve.

Im thankful, that I am working where I can be myself and do what I love.

Im thankful, that I got friends.

But, all I need is a dream about my life to come true. I'm not living a best life. I need that now, I don't know when will I die, may be tomorrow, next month, next year?  I don't want to die, I want to live. I need to live my 20's to the fullest. I need to live when Im alive.

What is love? When do people decide to love someone? Why do my parents have to love me? Except for my parents, I don't know how it feels to be loved, to have someone who wants to take care of you. 

I don't know If I will have a great 20's, I don't know how long I will breathe. But I will always try to live, as long as Im alive.