Dear Diary,
Its sunday afternoon again. My favourite time. I have been wanting to write to you for so long i swear. But its just that every day i end up doing all the other things and dont write to you, but every single day, i want to write to you. I really do. Everyday i am just busy working on you know.. "Projects", i want to make those things because evantually i want to help people, want to create oppotunities for people, people i care about. But Lately, nothing is actually working out quiet clearly. I started working on the TheGiPlanet and other things. But i dont think i can do all of that right now.
Anyway, like all sunday afternoon i watched my favourite shows and read books and sit with peace in the balcony looking at the sky and watching clouds move. The world feels so much at rest.
Lately i am understanding the importance of clarity in our lives. How me must be clear in all our relationships and keep upfront what we want, for things to work for us instead of trying to be nice with everyone all the time. It evantually hurts us. One of the thing i liked about this american shows is that everyone in the story are always clear and they tell tell boldly about what they want. I did something simmilar yesterday with my . business partners, i know that they dint take it very well or it might have surprised him(My Co founder) a little bit, but i think thats what was needed. We have to be clear.
I know we humans are very insignificant and all this purpose and meaning thing are just lies, we dont really have a purpose or atleast not anything for ourselves, but what about the dreams and things we want to do. I mean, whenever i close my eyes i imagine myself standing or walking in the chilly nights around the neighbourhood surrounded by all the mountains and smoke like fog coming up from the side of the cliffs. me wearing a sweater but cold touching my face and i am smiling, sometimes i am with somebody holding hands and walking together down the hill. or the after noons when i am sitting on chair outside the home in the shade either reading a book or building something on my laptop, or the evenings when people are coming to my cafee and talking and laughing, people with their friends and lovers and family... and i am serving coffee to everyone, handling the cups always with a smile. Life seems like peace...
My dream of living there in Manali or a place like that. Or me wanting to go to peru and living on the beaches learning surfing on the sea waves...
Everyday it all seems more like a fantasy and everyday i believe lesser that i'll ever be able to do that.
All these things takes something, i am not sure if i have that or not, i mean, sometimes i think i have what it takes to do that already, i mean what could really stop me from going to peru right now... All i need is a remote job and i can just go there and live there for long enough.
But i cant. Not right now. I think its because last time when i was completely free to do that, and i could have waited for a while and started working on this dream of mine i took another job, Whatever i saw first. and that was wrong. Often times when we are feeling insecure we just end up taking first bus we see but maybe, maybe we have to wait a little longer for the right ride to show up and not be distracted with small comforts.
I started watching videos from startupschool(Which i have been delaying for a long time) and i am uderstanding what will it take for the open diaries to be a successfull thing which people would love. And for now i am not going to work on The Gi Planet. I wanted to, but i always knew that its not the job of a single guy and my best friend said he'll work on it with me, but it turns out he is not free from everything either. So... Cant do it right now...
Instead i'll start again with learning Spanish, Guitar, and finding patterns in stars using Deep Learning. So that next time when i am free again, i wont feel insecure and take the first ride showing in front of me...
There are many thing to tell you.. But.. Some other time...
Ta Ta... 😀