Dear Diary,

I had a mad week. I have never wished for anything to get over as fast as this week, yet it felt like the slowest ever, as if time stood still indefinitely.

I’m glad it’s over in the end. These days, weekends feel like the best ever days. I’m happiest on weekends, even though I spend most of the time caved in my room, I’ve been learning and working on a lot of things I love.

Weekdays are now, at best, meh. I guess my honeymoon at work is officially over. I write for a living, but I realised that I’m not good at writing marketing material. It’s not about the writing, it’s just, when you’re a marketer, BS’ing is part of the job. And that’s the problem. I like to write things as truthful as they’re, as raw as they come. But when you are a marketer, you have to pretend like you’re describing an elephant even though you have an ant in your hand. I don’t find that process enjoyable. It’s the same thing over and over.

Monday was horrid. I remember I had a lot of work to finish after I got back. I finished 2 lessons in Manhattan. Then I dont know what came over me, I tried to hold back. It started pouring down. Till about 2. At some point, I reminded myself of all the work I had to finish, how ‘this’ doesn’t achieve anything, of all the time I was ‘wasting’ when I could be doing productive work, but for some reason it wouldn't stop. I tried. I hate it when that happens.Like the tape recorder that keeps playing the same parts over and over again, some things keep dancing in front of your eyes no matter what.I thought i should visit dr.jyotirmayi next day, but i didn’t want to risk hearing another productivity lecture from da boss. I thought i’ll write about it and try to get better, but that again would take time and I didn’t want to wake up late for work.

Maybe it was PMS, maybe it wasnt.

This week I popped zerodol twice during period. I know it isnt good for the kidneys (and probably the uterus too). I dont like it, But there isnt a better choice. Last month i tried to avoid the pills and i ended up in the hospital with 4 shots. I know i’m resigned to a lifetime of pillpopping to survive menses. I guess i’ll just go wherever it takes me.

Today i woke up with aching shoulders and knees. I think it was all the jumping and dancing yesterday. Uggh,… should practice more moderation than I preach.. :P The weekend ended better.

These days, I feel like writing a lot,..a lot of things flood into my mind, every now and then..but every time I think of writing, I am reminded of all the other things I must get done for the day and I think, I cant.

atleast, I’d like to write once in a week…just to clear the clutter.

Peace!

Haze's Dear Diary