Dear Diary,

I asked my mother nicely to help me create a resignation letter for my job, as this is the first time im ever resigning. i thought she really agreed to my decision and respected that. But alas, she told me that before i decide i should at least try hopping in a week into the production and then decide whether or not i should be there. she told me to weigh the pros and cons. i knew she had good intentions and everything, maybe im just too young and too impatient to ever achieve anything. But this pain is just different. Its tugging in my soul. i just know for certain i didnt want to be here. A lot of things have come to my mind already. Talking to myself like, im not rich so i cant have the luxury to pick my own job right now. I have tried making myself believe at how it would be great to just do a little more sacrifice for another two months of training. But everything just sucks, its a different type of pain.

I cant help but become petty and blame my mom for what im going through, but the thing is, i was always the one deciding for myself anyway. Besides, nothing good is ever going to happen if i always choose to blame anyone because i feel unfulfilled.

My mom asked me what plans do i have if i lose my job, i told her ive been planning for a long time now, but didnt care to elaborate as it just felt like shed ruin my momentum. At the time it sunk into me, that its good that i do have a plan. What if i told her that i didnt? How would she react?

All i want is to get to work in a job where it doesnt limit me. I have so many visions in mind, but i want to work through them alone, have a fresh startup. Once i get the opportunity to earn a bit extra, i want to move out. In the course of earning, i would either go back to school or pursue something that i really want for myself. I just dont know why i couldnt make her understand where im coming from, im not gonna be willing to prove myself to anyone anyway.

She tells me in the end of the conversation that she wont mind helping me with drafting my resignation letter, but after all the babble that she questioned me as if i havent weighed all the consequences on my own, it tells me that she doesnt trust my judgement; and so i just told her no, after she babbled at how i should stay a bit longer in this job. Im gonna have to be the one to write my own resignation letter and talk to my boss about it. I shouldve known im gonna be alone in this battle.

#MYNAME's Dear Diary