[ENTRY 13..✍]

I went out with Cara Dean today to buy birthday presents for our friend's daughter who's going to be two years old tomorrow. I hadn't seen the bitch in three years. And the last time I saw Venice (the baby girl's mother) was on her wedding day two years ago. I have a habit of disappearing for a long time that sometimes it makes me wonder if I still have friends left in the outside world, or that if I have detached myself a little too far from them that the next time we see each other, the air would be awkward. But nah. It's nice to have friends who always remain your friends even when you haven't talked to them in ages. Like you've never parted at all. I guess I got lucky with that.

I looked pretty cute today in a little black dress. (I boldly attached a picture. Haha.)

Cara and I decided to meet at the nearest mall from where I live, the same mall that didn't let me in last year because they thought I was a minor. I forgot to bring my face shield so I had to wait outside which sucked cos it was hot and I was already sweating from the walk I took. I sat on a chair and then this mall employee who had some business to do outside saw me. He offered his face shield which was a nice gesture but stupid. I'll never wear someone else's face shield unless I have no other choice. And even so, it has to be sanitised first.

"Nah, it's alright. I'm just waiting for someone," I told him.

"Are you sure? It's hot out here," he added.

The guard was watching the whole thing, seeming amused.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My friend will be here shortly."

Psh. I knew he was only offering it because I looked cute (thanks, mask) and a damsel in distress.

After a few minutes, I finally saw Cara approaching.

You see, one of the reasons why I like hanging out with Cara is that, when I'm with her, I look normal. HAHAHA. I mean, I'm so thin but she's thinner. You'd think after all these years, she'd gain some weight but nah. She's still the same skinny bitch I knew many years ago. It makes me glad, actually, because we're the same and I won't have to hear from her what I hear from other people all the time.

"You're so thin."

"You should eat more."

"Are you sick?"

We bought a face shield for me across the street and bought the gifts in another mall that's just near the area. Two male employees entertained us and started a conversation that wasn't related to our needs. Damn masks, I couldn't see what they looked like. I was hoping I could find someone cute along the way to fulfill the sexual desires I've been bottling up inside me since last year.

After the gifts were wrapped, we decided to go to this place where people eat and chill (picture attached below). It was our first time there and it was actually a nice place to hangout especially if you come in a group. We had ramen and fruit shake. We didn't like the ramen, though. It was truly a waste. Cara ate more than I did but even she didn't consume more than half of it. It was like we bought them just to have a taste. I could almost hear my grandma saying: "Finish it all because there are a lot of people starving in the world."

Anyway, we talked and tried to catch up with each other's lives. She's got another boyfriend and finally lost her virginity to him. I told her about my sexual frustrations.

"Help me find a cute guy," I said to her. Then I eyed the waiter who kept walking back and forth from where we sat. "He looks kinda cute, don't you think?"

Cara followed my gaze. "He's tall. I like his nose."

She couldn't answer my question because again—thanks, mask.

He and his friend (a fellow waiter) kept standing behind us every after they've done a task that it made me wonder if they heard the conversation I had with Cara about sex. And that the reason they kept standing near the railing behind us was because they heard us. (You know how boys are. When they hear girls talking about their favourite sexual positions, their ears automatically perk up.) It might be that or something else.

Hopefully something else.

You know how when you meet someone's gaze the first time and the second time it happens, it happens some more because it's like you're searching for it now? And that you two form some kind of.. I dunno, you just have something that only you two are aware of. And that was the case between me and the cute waiter. Or maybe it was just me. But why did he keep singing along with the music blasting throughout the whole place like he was trying to impress us? It was as if he was serenading us because most of the tracks playing were love songs. And you know what? He really was impressive. He had a really good voice and he sang so well. Cara and I would snicker every now and then because we could hear him so clearly it was like there was a live band behind us.

"Should we applaud?" I joked to Cara. She just laughed.

I also noticed his friend kept looking at me. Or at us. Who knows, really. Maybe they just really liked looking at people every now and then. Besides, there were a whole bunch of hotter and sexier girls there doing TikTok dances.

"Bitch, he's really cute," Cara said to me later on.

"You saw his face?"

"Yes. The girls from the next table keep trying to get his attention."

I looked at the table she was talking about and saw three girls having a good time.

"I think he's taken," I said to her.

"Do you think it's the other waiter?"

"Huh?"

"His boyfriend."

I looked at her before bursting out laughing, slapping her leg as I did so.

"Ooh, that makes so much sense," I jokingly agreed, realising the two seemed so inseparable.

Cara thought about making him take a picture of us before we leave. Lmao. We already had a few pictures taken by another waiter when we just arrived but I got pretty excited with the idea and told her, "Alright. Let's do that."

When they were behind us again, I finally turned around and asked, "Excuse me. Can I get your number?"

He looked at me, quite taken aback. "Uhm.. sure. Wait up."

He took his phone out and I'm just kidding.

That's not what happened.

Here's what I asked: "Excuse me. Can we have some napkins?"

I seemed to have interrupted them from a conversation but the friend looked at me and responded, "Yes, of course. I'll be right back."

He was all smiles when he started walking but before he could leave our table, he turned around to flip a middle finger to the cute waiter while wearing a goofy face. What the fuck was that all about? I was honestly hoping it was the cute waiter who would talk to me and get the napkins.

Sigh. Maybe this is how guys feel when they want to approach a girl. It ain't easy. But it's mainly because I've never hit on someone first in a real life setting. It's just the desperation to get laid again that makes me want to do so. I wanted to get his attention, truly, but the possibility that he might already have a girlfriend or that he's married was stopping me because then, it would be embarrassing. And he's seen my face while I've only vaguely seen his. It wasn't even a guarantee that I'd actually like him had I succeeded in, say, truly getting his number. Like I said before, looks are never enough. There are more levels to beat to get into my pants.

If only they served liquor, I prolly would've come up to him. Alcohol is a magic potion, I'm telling you. But they don't. Also if more of my friends had been there.. The more you are in a group, the crazier and bolder you become. And if I'd shy away, I know for a fact the fuckers would do the very honour of getting his number to embarrass me and then they would start all these teasing noises whenever he's close by and then he'd know they're teasing me with him and he'd just know, OK? Everything will be revealed by your crazy arse friends. Ah, that sounds so fun. I miss that kind of group immaturity.

Cara and I arrived there at 3pm and we left at 8pm. We got our pictures taken but it was by another waiter because the cute one's shift had ended earlier than we thought. When he descended the stairs, I told him, "Bye." Not sure if he heard it, though. Tsk. After all the gazes we'd exchanged, he never came up to me and said "hi". He's married, I'm telling you.

BULLY ME: "Hahaha. Stop kidding yourself, bitch. He just wasn't into you."

Fuck you. Haha.

Hopefully tomorrow, there will be someone cute at the party. Venice recommended her husband's younger brother. Lmfao. No way.

Ooh, this is going to be like a reunion with my girls. Quite excited.

Toodles.

Cooky's Dear Diary