Dear Diary,

I saw something that really invoked some thoughts I had about myself.

It talked about how lonely people can be and how it can be scary. How we don't have time to feel alone because life is short. And I realized something important.

I am scared. I am scared all the damn time. I am scared in different ways. I am a scaredy-cat. One minute, I am scared in the way that I worry something bad would happen. The same way a dog would in the middle of a severe thunderstorm. The one where you are paranoid and cautious all the time.

Then, I get scared that I am alone and that I truly have no one but the people I have now. That fear hides itself as grief and hurt as I reflect on what future I might hold. The people in my life right now maybe the only people I will ever have.

Now the last type of scared, that's a lot. It bothers me everyday and controls my every move. I am scared of losing myself. I am scared that I will never know who I really am. I am lost. I am always lost. I am scared that if I might not like who I am. And the person I want to be, I have to work for that. But then the issue of me always being tired will always override the motivation to change into a better person.

So, I am scared. I am always scared and I think I know what the next step is in my Self-help Journey. I have to embrace being scared. It took a while to embrace depression. So I at least know what obstacles might come up as I work towards my goal.

Leily's Dear Diary