Today was marginally better than yesterday. I kept myself busy at work and even spent the day planning out an art piece. It wasn't until after lunch hit that the sad thoughts began to move in. It was all thoughts of the future and a bunch of what it's. All things that I didn't really need to dwell on and think about. I fought back the tears and did not wind up crying at work today. I felt the well in my chest a little bit, but overall I'd call myself stable today.

I managed to make a few small strides with talking to other people. It might have been too forward but I gave my phone number to an old co-worker who just happened to stop in. In hindsight when she said she didn't have a discord I should have jumped to Instagram afterwards. But like, I'm not good at the whole social media thing. But man, it sure would be nice to have someone other than my ex to go out and do things with. I know covid is a thing right now, but nature trails would be a lot of fun. I'm still thinking about ways to interact with others. I'm being a bit more of myself at work and joking around a lot more. It's a start.

There was this game that my friend sent me named Kind Words. After my journal last night, I played the crap out of it. It's just an anonymous advice thing, but dear God it was helpful having other people going through similar things and getting some brand new, non biased perspective on everything going on. It's only five dollars, if you're struggling emotionally, maybe consider getting it.

I still don't have that motivation to cook. Here's hoping to being able to do that soon. I want to bake and cook and just be fancy with my food again. It's just hard because I could eat cereal for every meal and be content. It was nice trying to impress my ex with different foods and searching for things he liked. But I don't think he minds. Right now he doesn't have the energy to even make a sandwich. It's difficult knowing that we're both here depressed. I wanna just give him a big hug, but I feel like everyone is right when they say we need to give each other space.

But if someone could text me while I'm at work, that'd be super cool because I need some kind of distraction.

Humayra Himu's Dear Diary