April 26, 2026

3
Comments

Dear Diary,

I feel so bad for feeling this way.

i dont know what to do.

I cant help it,I cant get it to stop..

I feel like a horrible person just for fucking missing him.

I feel like such a burden and i hate myself for it so much.

I feel like i dont deserve him anyway.

I wish i could just shut down and go on autopilot till it all stops, or turn off my feelings for him like a switch.

I wish i wasnt like this.

I wish i wasnt so needy, or scared.

I wish I wasnt so desperate for reassurance that ill never get, or deserve.

i just wish i knew i was loved.

i wish that i knew why people stuck around other than because im good at taking care of them, i wish i didnt feel like such a fucking charity case. I feel like people only stay around because they feel bad for me like some dying puppy.

I fucking hate it.

I hate all of it.

I hate myself for feeling this way, too.

I cant fucking do this.

Im gonna go insane before june hits.

I wish i could rip out my heart and put it in a jar, or cut out the part of my brain responsible for making me feel things.

I cant do this for two months.

I dont wanna feel so insecure for two fucking months.

For 46 days.

I wish i had something to keep going for, some sort of proof that everything is okay, some semblance of reassurance.

Maybe thats wishful thinking. maybe thinking i deserved to be loved to begin with was wishful thinking.

N
Noah✓
2d ago · 25 views

Comments (3)

Sign in to leave a comment.

A
Anonymous18h ago

Oh friend. This too shall pass. Life is so full of ups and downs. There are 2 teachers I've had throughout my 57 years of life. They profoundly changed my thoughts, my anxieties, my pain and my struggles. They did not take away all of that but they did help me change, and help me see life as it's supposed to be seen. One teacher is Wayne Dyer. You can find his work on Youtube, Podcasts, etc My second great teacher is Michael Singer. He wrote the book The Untethered Soul. He also puts out a new episode on his podcast every monday and thursday. I have not missed an episode in 4 years. I lost my son a few months ago and had I not listened to 1000's of hours of teachings, I would not be getting out of bed. Please consider looking into these teachers. A little bit every day will change your life. Hugs to you :)

N
no name1d ago

you will find your person soon. the one that will make you feel loved regards of what you're doing. they will love you endlessly. have some patience and try to work on yourself. i used to feel the same way but i am trying my best to figure out what is different about me and try to fix what was broken and i was too blind to see. I hope everything works out for you 🙏🩵

A
Anonymous2d ago

It's okay to want to be loved and feel loved. This doesn't make you weak; it makes you human. I truly believe that the love you have given will come back to you sevenfold. I hope you believe in that too.

Note Note

"Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted."

— Jules Renard