April 26, 2026

Dear Diary, I made a mistake. A huge, big, embarrassing mistake that I always make. I feel absurd as if I am a fool because I remember claiming last Sunday at the Dinner table a fact so convincing

“ I manage these days well and I part ways when I don’t feel like myself”

 NOW Maybe it felt strong in that moment or boost of pride In that ultimate moment while motivating my cousin when she broke up with her best friend, yes I mean broke up because literally they were the bestest duo(though I don’t agree).  But now the reason I am writing this is because it feels so impractical right now, so absurd and even maybe slightly embarrassed too. And I think fate have really a horrible sense of humor. I admit that I speak confidant statements in air sometimes feeling proud, but I tell you I can swear every time I make any claim, all the atomic particles in this entire universe get involved in proving me wrong in most embarrassing way.

For example: Once I said I make best pasta. And I swear I did. But ever since I uttered this statement something clearly went wrong because after this every time I made pasta, the taste graph dropped and I felt like a liar and a bragger. Seriously like what is this joke going on? Now I can’t convince my siblings that I genuinely used to make good pasta. Never mind.

Likewise since I said this I am getting better in studies and BOOM. Since, next day my entire semester felt like an emotional roller-coaster ride.

. Maybe I said it because I wanted to feel superior or wanted to become a certified baddie. But now it feels like a humiliating joke, because this statement itself feel absurd. Why? Let me tell you. Because yes- ever since I said this everything collapsed in most humiliating way.

Okay let me explain quickly. I am Class representative of my batch, and I am not kidding I always try my best to balance and let others live too( because that’s important you know. One can’t be a good leader if others aren’t satisfied) . I have never argued with my professors, and I am a good presenter. Last month, after I claimed this statement , I was given a project which I prepared for in most honest and hardworking way known to entire mankind. Research articles, Newspapers, reports, stats everything. However, when Ever The Confidant me went to rostrum and I delivered confidently, pouring my entire soul in that presentation,  I was criticized heavily by my professor. Now I admit maybe I was wrong in stating facts. Maybe I couldn’t lay it perfectly, or maybe there was a loop. I understand I am a human and I can make mistakes who don’t want to be that super perfect human,  and so I got corrected in most embarrassing way for half an hour by professor. Never mind. But what’s the best part, you know the feeling when you know that maybe what I delivered wasn’t perfect but was my best and you see others delivering with half passion like yours and aren’t corrected or criticized. I swear I have no objection to anyone, it’s just when you try your best and others don’t, everyone can sense, even them too, but perhaps that’s fate. I know I shouldn’t feel like this- but trust me that hurts, too much. I don’t know how to explain that lingering sense of guilt.

Okay this is just the beginning. Even after the class ends, I am pointed out countless times by the professor in name of humor. AND in that moment you don’t want anything but either to vanish or choke yourself. Moreover, when you work in a group, it feels more humiliating- because you are the reason for entire group drop when they literally claimed you were the best. Perhaps, you think this was final. But no- this doesn’t stop here. And now my grades are dropping too. I don’t know what went wrong, but it feels like everything slipping even when I try my best, and I am not writing this to discourage someone, however maybe this is my way to mourn because I couldn’t share it with anyone.

This was only the first part of statement' how second part of this claim backfired, will tell you next time. Don't read this in any pressure. i just needed to let all out.

and if you stayed, Thankyou so much.