April 22, 2026

Dear Diary, I'm tired. Very tired.

Studying makes me terribly stressed, my skin and nails have gotten worse, and my sleep has gotten worse. I feel anxious all the time.  I have less and less strength every day. I love what I study, but I can't study it. I feel so disconnected from reality all the time.  I am often out of the moment, so I am often inattentive, which makes my social anxiety even worse. This is really bad. I feel really bad. 

Stress factor number two - money. The father doesn't seem to care. With this budget, I can't afford most products. I feel so bad around other people who can afford something. I kind of feel inadequate. 

The previous factors create the third reason - my appearance. Stress worsens the condition of the skin and the face in general.  I can't afford to buy basic skincare products or makeup items. Because of this, I'm still constantly worried about how I look. I always think that people must be uncomfortable seeing me. 

I feel bad because some people are incredibly kind to me. A feeling of guilt appears. 

I still think about my first love. All the time. There hasn't been a day that I haven't remembered them.

I have no motivation to study until summer. Because I know that I will be working all summer, and I will have no communication, none except the Internet in the summer.I can't afford summer as a vacation.I can't go anywhere because it takes money, even just the smallest amount. I just feel fucking sad about this. 

I feel insecure. Naked. 

And at the same time, because I'm constantly worried about all this, I feel like a negative person, and that if I tell anyone about it, they'll think I'm a bad person. 

The weather outside is incredibly beautiful.The mornings are amazingly beautiful now.But I don't feel it, the anxiety doesn't go away. 

I want to be with or talk to someone with the same problems.

 It feels like everyone is judging or hating me. It's like everyone thinks I'm weird and doesn't want to interact with me. I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I don't want to.

It feels like I won't achieve my dreams. It feels like my life will end before I can even try to achieve them. 

I would like to go to the movies alone, but damn, I need money again, and I only have money in my account for three loaves of bread. 

Bad period.

Now I have to write a some task for tomorrow class, but I don't want to

Tomorrow I will have even more tasks, and they will be difficult. I want to be alone on the weekends.The only thing I can do for myself is go somewhere in the city. 

I miss "N"

I hate it when someone says I look like my father. I unconsciously add this person to the blacklist. I don't want to repeat his story, it's the worst thing that could happen. Death is not as scary as this.

I feel selfish and narcissistic when I consider myself a kind person

I want to be alone for more than one night before my next class at university.