April 21, 2026

dear diary, i miss my Aisha, and i can't really move on from her. i really, really love her. it's the kind of love that stays even when everything else fades, the kind that lingers in quiet moments, in songs i didn't even notice before, in the way i still look for her in every crowd without meaning to. i keep telling to myself i'll be okay, that time will fix this, but honestly, it doesn't feel like it's getting easier. some days i feel like i am fine, like i'm finally starting to accept things, and then out of nowhere, something reminds me of her-her laugh, the way she talks, even the little things-and suddenly i'm back to missing her like it just happened yesterday. i don't even know if she still thinks about me the way i think about her. that's probably what hurts the most-the not knowing. because for me, she wasn't just someone i liked. she was someone i imagined a future with, someone i cared about in a way i don't think i've ever cared about anyone before. i still find her in the church we used to go, in the quiet corners where we once sat, in the silence between prayers where her presence used to feel so close. even when she's not there, it feels like a part of her never really left, and somehow that makes it both comforting and painful at the same time. i don't know if i can love somebody else. i'm just thinking that i should wait for her until she decided to come back.

i wish i could just turn off these feelings, or just at least make them quieter. but instead, they just sit here with me, reminding me that what i felt was real. and maybe that's not such a bad thing... it just hurts right now. i don't know when i'll finally move on, or if i even want to completely. a part of me still hopes that somehow, someday, things could be different. but for now, all i can do is write it out, feel it, and slowly learn how to live without her being part of my everyday. still, no matter what happens, i know one thing for sure- i loved her. and i still do