April 18, 2026

Dear Diary,

I miss my boyfriend, like a lot.

Were on a break till the end of the school year and I havent been doing well with it because a massive comfort of mine was hearing him say he loved me, and him kissing me, or holding me and saying that he was gonna love me forever, calling me nicknames, being his 'Sugar' or 'Darling'. Sometimes it was the only thing that could actually make me feel better after a depressive episode or break me out of my self harm urges but now...i feel alone. Ive had my best friend to comfort me and hangout with but...its not the same.

Ive been trying to cope with it, though. We still do sleep calls because he knows it helps me sleep, and I get kisses when we do our nightly ritual which is nice, it just still hurts a lot.

Ive been listening to all the old voice messages he would send me saying that he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me, ive been wearing EVERYTHING that reminds me of him and its comforting, ive been trying to feel better about it by saying 'Love you, homie' n shit and if were playing video games and were not in call ill just spin around him in circles and imagine im covering him in kisses everytime I circle around him.

Its helping a bit but im still so scared.

I miss being able to love him freely.

I miss being able to curl up in his arms and hear him tell me he loves him till my fear melts away.

I miss hearing him tell me that he loves me and its all going to be okay.

I miss knowing and being reminded that im loved.

I miss that sweet voice telling me im his everything.

I miss my boyfriend so much.