March 13, 2026

Dear Diary, Im going to simply my diary a little more. As im still getting used to writing abt myself. I dont want to feel like i want attention or attention seeking. This is purely so people know who i am.

Yesterday and the day before were my moms surgery days, i didnt go to the hospital for my mom yesterday, i stayed home so i can watch my younger brother. His birthday is the 19th but hes been stubborn and wouldn't eat when i tell him. Etc.

My moms doing well she should be out in a few days, i slept most the day yesterday though. I woke up and did what i needed to do but not doing anything is just boring. I eat, sleep, pick up my mess and play games if im not sleeping. Todays not different. Nobody really texting me, and playing games. I woke up abt 8am, so not bad honestly

i feel sick, i wish i had irl friends. like i need irl attention. im not good for anything, and it hurts so much. no one actually messages me, i joined a server and talked in it for a bit. thought i was welcomed but no one questioned anything when i dont talk. i left and no response or anything. im not active in any servers, even if i am im not anyones friend, im not needed anywhere. all of my "friends" are always busy and im left alone all the time hoping someone would talk to me, but its not like no one talks to me. maybe after messaging or talking to 50 people someone responds. but they dont stay. for abt an hour. i wish i new everything i do wrong. am i that clueless? is there like a curse that prevents people from talking to me unless when they need something? i wish i wasnt so scared to sleep all the time either. im not allowed to not do anything, im a leach and i know it but i wish i wasnt like this or i wish i didnt feel like that all of the time. i eat but my stomach still hurts, i constantly hurt and i constantly want to cry but im afraid if i cry ill get in trouble. everything just hurts and nothing even if i am happy it doesnt last long because i know if im happy then im only faking it in hopes that i actually feel happy. i wish i was more social, but it hurts so much being social because im constantly afraid of being neglected all the time, though it still happens all the time