Dear Diary,
I keep realizing this: you are actually the best. You listen to me. Most people do not want to listen. People tell you their pain and very often they do not want solutions; instead they actually want to offload their pain. They want to change ownership of the pain. They don't want to listen. They don't need a solution. Am I doing the same with you right now? Complaining to you about how everyone else is. Maybe! see this is the problem. It's hard to know yourself. It's harder than probably anything. I don't know how it compares to building a rocket. But it is like self believing self and self doubting self. Maybe it is as hard as quantum mechanics.
Anyway I like you. You listen to everything.
Well because I'm here, I'll give you some updates.
Work-wise it's going well. I'll be switching managers. It has been a love-hate relationship with Navid but I'll be switching to a new pod and will be working with Andy again.
I'm planning to go to Spain. Although I find it a little less exciting now, I don't know why. One thing is that it's of course very expensive and takes away a lot of my hard-earned money and I cannot seem to justify it with the fun I get. However this trip is not just for me; it's also for my wife. I wanted her to have some achievements in life too. And going to Europe should feel like one hopefully.
I've been constantly struggling with myself worrying about health and age and also feel very stuck with what I'm doing and not knowing what I really want to do sometimes I think maybe I should not think long-term and maybe I should only think about tomorrow or today. A lot of people have said that. A lot of people have also said that, accept life and maybe they are right and maybe they are not.
Just thinking about that maybe I should aim for joy and forget everything else. Maybe what I want in life is joy and not achievements. Achievement was maybe one of the things which I thought would bring me joy. But learning is also joy! Seeing the sunrise is also joy! And occasionally seeing sunsets too is joy. And when you get a chance see something new, it is joy. When I was in Doha, I really felt joy just seeing that museum and that market. It reminds me again of what Hanim Sunim said: "You're most happy when you're truly present in the moment". Maybe I should do that ? Maybe I should chase joy or not chase but work towards joy and decide with joy as the decision factor.
I'll try to do that and let you know how it goes. Until then ciao.
Bdw, ramm das is only another best.
--panda--