It’s been a long time since we chit-chat my love.
And now your absence is growing my personal desire to be yours completely!
(dedicated to our introverted love)
Dear Iga, there is a guy in my life now at this new environment, we are in love, but it's going too slow, maybe because of the personal ambition and decision, it's affecting me a lot, both good and bad ways.
There is another story...
Recently, I met someone who seemed way too extroverted and asked me which category I belong to. In his eyes, I don’t even fit into the introvert world, and it’s impossible for me to be an extrovert. He playfully made himself a big-bro version and once said that they would train me to at least be able to live like a human.
It was a very thoughtful gesture from him. I felt welcomed to learn, to get rid of my insecurities, but the other side of me was stuck in no. It felt impossible for me. It’s not something I’ve never thought about or tried to train myself for—I believe I will remain like this forever, and that was hurting me inside.
In these few years, the changes I’ve noticed within myself and my environment are that people around me initiate conversations with me. The hesitation I notice in myself is that I am now insecure about my achievements, thinking of myself as a failure. Most conversations start with, “Hey, so which company are you working for?” or “So, what do you do?” or “I guess you’re a teacher, a doctor, or a research student?” I’m actually in my early twenties, but most people assume I’m in my mid-twenties or early thirties based on their questions and the way they approach me.
Their very first question is something I don’t want to answer. I don’t really have something that lets them see me in a particular role.
I just don’t want to reveal anything about my personal life.
This time, while travelling, I didn’t have to spend the whole time sleeping or on my phone. Instead, I got to talk with the person beside me. It was more comfortable talking to someone of the same gender in person, while online it’s the opposite. With the opposite gender, I get a misconception—what if he is trying to flirt with me?—taking myself as the very centre of attention in the whole world.
I hope I am still improving. It’s not a steady, forward path, but more like ups and downs—sometimes falling really hard, and very few times, accepting my flaws happily.
I always wanted to be unique, but now I feel like an alien among people.
How would it have been if you were there, if my childhood was spent with you? But it’s still okay—at least you are in my imagination.