Dear Diary,
Hi,
As of today, 2 months have been completed...many times I want to write the journal but I pass...at happy and dull times.
The journey so far has been bhi Good...if someone asks me whether I am happy or not...the answer is Idk... I am in a good place but being happy is something different...I am fine, at times I am happy, rest there are times when I feel not content...
I know I know, I should focus on good things, ignore the rest...but yeah everything is nice but still I feel something is missing...and sometimes I know what's missing but I don't wanna address it coz it won't change anything instead it will create some chaos coz person on the other end doesn't take feedback as feedback, it has been taken as complains and so these days I behave cold over things which bothers me
Anyways, I will complete my first month at my very first corporate job in upcoming days...this is also going well... somethings I used to panic seeing the fares and all but I am at a better place now coz I have accepted it.
Rest, I am okay with the traveling part 5 days a week.
To show hi care, he again purchased uber one for me...
I know these are his ways to care for me...there are many such other things... but the point is that it's also important to discover what I would like or how I want to be taken care off, what my desires are,etc.
We have different taste in music and we see life little differently...
Sometimes I hate his double standards over a few things.
Like I liked it when he was so caring when I joined the office and was staying at the office stay...he came to meet me but I would have more happy if he would have come to take me back, I know he would have come but I wanted to go early and he was having his office... I wish he would have welcomed me in his home in some better way, I don't need gesture, some good sentences would have been enough.
Like how he loves most of the things I cook for him, although we have a cook, I like cooking and cooking is my love language, I like it when he helps me while cooking but what turns me off is he liked the noodles, appreciated it, asked where is your plate, I said right now I am not feeling like eating but then he kept eating but not offered me a bite from his plate...
And there are many things he does to take care of me...
I feel we don't spend quality time together coz we have different definitions of quality time...
He thinks that everything is okay, he is doing everything but why I don't seem that happy... at that time I feel that does he thinks what makes me happy and what not...does he thinks what is bothering me...
And one more thing I don't like is he don't realise that most of the things are done when he feels like it...and I don't feel like saying everything and then getting it done...I feel that the other person should take efforts to understand what's going on with the other person and find out things by himself.
I wasn't feeling like staying at home, so I came outside alone... sitting in a food court and writing this.
I like to go to the office more rather than staying at home...
It's just that, I haven't pictured my life like this...
I need gestures, not big gesture, small, tiny, mini gestures, good expression of things... someone to understand me... and some more attention and possesiveness.
Other than that, I know how to live a good life, I am not an abla naari...
Other than that, everything is good but it's in my nature to pick not so good things also.
What are good things, we go a drive at 2 at night, eat chicken wrap at 3 :D
Drinking lemon tea with chia seeds in it... going for a walk.
Few random snaps from my day to day life...