Dear Diary,
Last night I came home from a party at the dorms. I was pretty drunk and exhausted, so I didn't even shower before falling into bed. The room was slowly spinning around me, and I was thinking about him. Again. I was thinking - why on earth should I keep trying to play cool? I already lost ALL of my cards to him. I was the one who started things in the first place. I was the one who caught feelings and went so far as vaguely admitting this to him. On the other hand, I did broke it off several times, and every time I called, he came back. But I don't think I can gamble on it anymore. He won't this time.
But what I really don't want is to give him the satisfaction of thinking he has the upper hand. Last Thursday, he provoked me. He went out of his way to fish the truth out of me. But all he got were vague answers. Well, two can play this game, and next week, I am going to be the one to provoke him. He wants to know things? I am going to make him wish he never asked.
I am a madwoman for this, and probably obsessive. But I won't keep swallowing feelings down just to fit into a woman written by men lore.