Dear Diary,hi"
I've been a bit absent lately; I tend to abandon things I start. It could be boredom, or it could just be another part of my habit of not sticking around. It was a normal day.
I woke up early, went for a run, worked, and thought about her. When she left, it was shocking to me. I thought: I have legs and arms, I can go anywhere, but I just wanted to go to her address.
The first love a woman feels for another woman is too crazy. Too devoted. Too blind. It wasn't your fault, I loved you like that because I didn't know how to be any other way. I wanted to go to the registry office and put myself in your name, you know? I wanted to be your jacket, I wanted to be a ring on your finger, I wanted to be the cat thrown at your feet.
I could never not love you. It would have happened in sixth grade, it would have happened in high school, it would have happened as an adult, it would have happened when I was old, it would have happened at any age, place, circumstance. If I saw you, in any context, I could never not love you. In all timelines, in all realities and all possibilities, only you. But I'm good at loving sacrificially, and on that day, I decided to leave her behind so she could be free to live and to love, without me being her eternal waiting, the empty space in all her photos.
Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt so stupidly in love that you know sometimes it's better to leave?