The recent events have forced me to take a hard look at my own moral compass.
Watching people cheer on Charlie’s death, reading those celebratory comments… it made me feel as though I was looking at myself in them.
A version of myself several months ago.
Although I never rejoiced in the way they have, all the same, I was reminded of when I heralded Luigi Mangione as a "flawed hero," a symbol of rebellion for shooting that CEO.
I didn't actively say the CEO deserved it, but in my own words I said I supported the intention behind it. So easy was it for me to dehumanise Brian Thompson and reduce him to nothing more than a symbol of corporate greed to side with Luigi. Part of me wishes the CEO had been a killer himself, or a rapist, so I wouldn't have felt the need to look back and introspect about my own moral compass. Sorry if this might have seemed like a "character development" moment, but no. I still believe some people deserve to die.
It’s just .. with Charlie Kirk's death, and how some people glorified the shooter, from my end, it couldn't be helped but to feel a sense of déjà vu. Because I've been there. On the other side.
This dark realisation—a nagging one—added another cloud in the form of cognitive dissonance to my already grieving spirits and guilty heart (yes, I instantly felt guilty after publishing my last post).
I began to ask myself: why was I okay with Brian Thompson being shot in cold blood, and lamented when it happened to Charlie?
The simple answer would be: I mourn him not only because of principles, but simply because he touched me. He feels closer, so my empathy naturally extends to him more than it did to Brian.
But it was also more than that.
With the CEO, I saw his choices in healthcare pricing as blood on his hands. Not metaphorical blood—actual people being denied medicine, treatment, surgeries, and dying. From my perspective, he didn’t just shuffle money around, he designed a system that trades lives for profit. So when Mangione killed him, my mind went: that’s proportional—he dealt in death, and death caught up to him.
However, if I’m honest, I wouldn't have invested that much interest in the whole case had Luigi been, say, a regular-looking person. But not only was Luigi handsome, to me, he also looked like my first love. That bias alone made me partial before I even realised it. The thought disgusts me now.
Brian wasn’t just a “CEO.” Like Kirk, he was a husband, a father. I didn’t even pause long enough to consider what his wife and children must be going through. I never once mentioned their pain. I tried to make my entries that spoke of that issue private to erase the public trace of my own hypocrisy, but inside I still felt restless. So I'm putting it out there again to let my hypocrisy be known—and to let me apologise for it. I am so sorry for dehumanising Brian Thompson, exceedingly sorry for forgetting the people who loved him.
Even if he was corrupt, even if his company caused harm, it wasn’t fair for his family to lose him that way.
And to think I had a crush on a cold-blooded murderer..
And not even a fictional man! How horrid!
I could only wish Luigi really were innocent, if only to quiet this gnawing dissonance inside me.
Now with Charlie Kirk.. he voiced opinions, yes, controversial and sometimes inflammatory, but that was far from literally putting people in the ground. His “crime” was only holding beliefs that some found offensive, not orchestrating death. So the people celebrating his assassination feel like they’re just punishing a man for existing as himself.
It is awful what happened to him. Oh, I literally saw someone I admired get shot in the neck 😭 And it's not a movie or something. It's real.
A real bullet.
Real blood.
A real moment of a man losing his life.
And to all the people who witnessed it right on the spot..
His wife, his poor clueless daughter who ran to him because she was scared of the noise..
And for what? Because he had different views?
They say he deserved it because he was "spreading hate", but the only hateful thing about him was he voiced out his own beliefs and opinions they hated. I, along with millions and millions of others, share some of his views so in their eyes, we all deserve to die too. But of course, they’d never call that fascism because to them, only conservatives can be "fascists".
"He didn't get killed because he was a Nazi. They called him a Nazi so they could kill him."
A lot of people would probably think me mad or over the top for grieving this much over an internet persona, but Charlie was part of my late night routine. When I'm finally relieved of the tediousness of my duties, when I have time for myself in the comfort of solitude or silence, I would lay in bed and scroll through my phone. His content was among the ones I enjoyed immensely. He articulated my views I could have never done in my own words, he voiced out opinions I didn't even know I had. Even if he had stances that opposed mine, I still respected and liked him earnestly.
And yes, he did use his platform to profit, but that was smart strategy, not fraud. The classic "hitting two birds with one stone". From his late teens onward, he stayed true to his core values, holding fast to his beliefs while building Turning Point USA into a national force that influenced millions. And there’s nothing more powerful than making a living from what you’re passionate about.
Before his assassination, his Instagram already hovered over seven millions of followers. Now, it's almost doubled—and still climbing as we speak. That’s not the trajectory of a grifter. That’s the mark of someone whose convictions and impact were undeniable.
I read a comment that said:
"Well, he really wasn't afraid to put his neck out there."
I don't know the motive behind the line, whether the person was being maliciously sarcastic or just had a dark sense of humour.. I hope dark humour because I found it funny.
I'm sorry 😭 It's prolly too soon to find a bonhomie hilarity in the tragedy. But Charlie had a good sense of humour, I'm pretty sure he'd laugh at it, too.
Once again, may he rest in peace..🕊️😔