Dear No one,
I feel so overwhelmed right now. My cat is so sick, and tonight I’m the one taking care of him, but I don’t feel hopeful at all. He looks like he’s on the verge of death, and it makes me sick to my stomach just watching him. I keep telling myself I’m doing my best, but what if my best isn’t enough? What if I’m the reason he’s suffering? The thought of that crushes me.
He’s one of my clingy cats. Just last night, he curled up next to me in bed like he always does, so warm and close, like he trusted me completely. And now here he is, weak and fading, and I don’t even know what to feel. I feel guilty. I feel helpless. I feel like I’m losing a part of me.
And it doesn’t stop there. Even at work, I feel the same way…like no matter how much effort I pour in, it’s never seen, never enough. Like I have to keep pushing, keep proving myself, and still, I fall short. Sometimes I wonder if I even have the potential to grow anymore, or if people will ever give me the chance when all they see are my shortcomings.
It’s like everything is piling up at once. My cat, my work, my life…I don’t know where I stand anymore. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel lost, heavy, and tired.