Dear Diary,
Yesterday, I talked to her… and for those few minutes, it felt like heaven on earth.
The same voice.
The same laugh.
The same joy when I asked her my silly questions.
She is a charm — my charm — the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Trust me when I say this: she is the best woman for me. I don’t think anyone else could truly tolerate me, understand me, and live with me even for a single day… but she did it for three whole years.
Three years… and still she doesn’t realise how important she is to me? Still she doesn’t see that for me, she is the one?
From day one, I knew it — she was either going to be my greatest, most shattering heartbreak… or she would be part of my family forever. She was the first girl who met my mother, the first to meet my father, my sister, my baby cousin. She didn’t just enter my life, she became a part of it. Everyone in my family began saying, “You’ll be the next to get married.”
All that love.
All that attachment.
All that togetherness… for what?
For her to turn around and say she needs “more friends" to make her feel her freedom.
Freedom. That word feels like a curse to me now. Because what is freedom, really? You can’t define it, yet everyone demands it. But what if the “freedom” you create for yourself turns out to be empty? What if it doesn’t make you happy? What if it makes your life worse?
Then what?
Will you come back to me? Will you choose me then, so I can give you the love you’ve been searching for your whole life? I don’t think love should work like that. And yet… how do I stop loving her?
It feels I’m “not enough.” Maybe I can’t love her exactly the way she wants… but how does one love? We love in the way we know how. Yes, we change in small ways for the one we love, we adapt… but the core, the way your heart gives love, that doesn’t change. That’s part of who you are. Or am I wrong? Am I missing something?
Yesterday, she told me she wants to move on.
And I told her, “If that’s how you feel, then do it. I’ll support you.”
But inside… moving on from her is something I never even imagined. And from her of all people? No way. She’s too precious to me.
She asked, “How can I move on knowing you won’t?” But isn’t that her own burden to carry? Because I don’t want to move on. I made my choice — if not her, then no one.
I still remember our first date. The first time I told her, “I love you.” That was the moment I knew — she was my sunlight, and I… I was the darkness she lit up.
She lit me so brightly that I forgot how darkness even felt.
Better to live with her memories than to let someone else light me up.
So the question is — should I move on, or keep holding on to the only person I’ve ever truly loved?