July 09, 2025 I still miss you 💔😭

hey guys i know its been 9 months of misery since my grandpa died... and i know i should have gotten over it already... but for some reason i cant... so i wrote him a letter that i will put here... for grandpa

Hey grandpa I know you cannot respond… because your dead. But I just feel like by writing here I feel like you can read it. I plan to tell mom and dad that I will not celebrate new year’s ever again. I mean how can I celebrate the day of your death? I miss you. And I am sorry for celebrating new year’s the day you died. I SWEAR I HAD NO IDEA OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED! AND IF I KNEW I WOULD HAVE NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS!!!!!! I wish I could have seen you one more time. Hugged you one more time. Be able to hear you say, “You just need to believe” But how can I believe in God if he took the one person who I loved to most?! ON NEW YEARS!!!! WHY? I MISS YOU!!! WHY COULDN’T HE GIVE YOU 2 MORE YEARS? WHY?!… its been a couple months since I have written….. nothing has gotten any better…. Just worse… I tired what u said you said I could do it… you said I just needed to believe in god! But its just gotten worse! My dad has been drinking more! DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAT! HE HAS BEEN DRINKING EVERY DAY! I WANT TO TELL MY BFF BUT IM TO EMBARRASED! THAT I STILL BELIVE IN GOD! AFTER EVERYTHING! AFTER TAKING YOU AWAY! I already have no friends ima lonely ass bitch who is a total depressed freak that gets bullied! I accept every mean comment! I laugh at mean jokes! I hear people talk bad about me when im there! They laugh at me! I thought summer school would get me away from bullies! Its just gotten worse! There are people who bully me! And its even more worse that before! Why cant I join you in heaven? I have found a channel on youtube that understands me… just like you would understand me… I miss you… even after 9 months of heart break and crying! I still cant