Good morning, dear diary.
Today I’ll have a busy day, full of different things to do…
But I’m writing to you because I’m lacking attention and love. I just want to speak and have someone listen. You’ll be that someone.
I notice that men find me attractive… I see the looks… but I don’t want that at all.
I don’t know… I want it like it used to be: not thinking about anything, just thinking I’m frigid, and that I’ve made one choice and I’ll stay with that forever. But now, knowing my sexuality, I know it won’t open up to just anyone. And I don’t even want to try with someone else… I’m still waiting… for him… or to be frigid… God, wish it so much…
Okay, that was the first thing I needed to say. The second:
I decided to study my friend’s problem more deeply, to understand my beloved man better.
I’m trying to figure out where the roots of infidelity come from, why people do this, what pushes them, and why they don’t leave… It bothers me that I understand his problem, especially after hearing my friend’s story of how her father cheated…
He would’ve left, but didn’t because of his daughter. And he spent years taking it, and eventually accepted it, drinking…
And everyone who grew up with that kind of story believes you should choose your partner over yourself. Even without kids or shared assets, people still think that way…
For me - only just had my head turned by love and was given hope that it exists, it’s painful to realize this… My ego’s been trampled so many times, and still, I understand him… It hurts so much…
Because I miss him f@cking terribly😔