hey my loving diary, i feel really relieve after i told you what my mind bothering me to think alone. feels like im telling my stories to someone who care's me. who listens to me even i dont get back answers for these.
lemme the story begin.
so, i started my high school journey in 2023(late 2022s)
and it has been around 3 years still suffering. that exam is like a hard journey where only a few of students can achieve when they even try for 3 times. even in that particular amount, really handful people get select to the university in their first attempt. i failed my first attempt. ( i mean medical school). like it need really hard work, concentrate and that all qualities. but i question from myself even i have that potential can i bare with that qualities? only the potential is not eligible, not enough. i really need that qualities as well. at the same time im thinking that potential is not about just the potential, the actual meaning of potential stands with that inner qualities as well.
when it comes to me i have to study a lot. i dont know how to manage them with my another extra things but it doesnt mean i should stop that extra things. i have to focus and manage them.
and i need a proper plan.i want to study. i love study. but i know how to study at the same time i dont know how. i have made thousands of plans to work with but i have never sticked to them yet. when i cant do them or when i feel lazy, i do skip them. instead make another one, then another one. those are my weaknesses.
every morning i start my day with my laptop and scrolling. like i know they are my biggest distractions. I have tried to go for libraries to study, then again i have adjusted my table and made differences in my study environment to study but really nothing mattered. i dont know how then? mindset is everything.
im gonna create my last plan here.
not toughly like earlier, but gently, knowing im also a human.
not unrealistically, but realistically
not being greedy to complete them all in once, but one by one
not realizing who i am , but knowing what is this exam.
not to impress others, but to impress me
not to just another extra hipe short period of revolution, but my second puberty, my first and ever and blasting academic comeback
i know who i am, at the same time i know what is this exam.
i love my ambition.
your loving, booooo