Dear diary,
I often catch myself thinking that I want a house with a yard — a place on the ground. But! At the same time, I realize that I also want the freedom to travel, to see the world with my husband and children. And a house like that is something that requires money regularly. It’s not like an apartment where you renovate once and forget about it for a while. A house needs constant maintenance, constant investment.
That’s why I’m starting to think that the better option for me might be to sell my current apartments and buy one apartment in a new building, already renovated. And on my land — build a small summer house where we, as a family, could go from time to time. A place that I wouldn’t worry about as much as I would if we lived there permanently.
Another important thing for me is making sure that my future child has opportunities to socialize, to interact with other kids his age. Of course, all of this is about the future. I don’t have a husband or children yet. But I know I don’t want to be tied to one place. And I don’t want my children to be tied either. I want them to have the chance to see the world, to experience life, to connect with others.
Sometimes I even think it would be easier if my future husband already had children. Because to me, it doesn’t matter if they are biologically mine or not — if they are his, they are mine too. But I also understand that, because I have no experience as a mother, it might be hard for me to connect with them at first. That’s why I think it’s important for me to have a child of my own at some point — not because I need a “biological” child, but because not everyone can accept children that aren’t their own, and I want to understand what it means to be a parent. Still, I lack that experience, and I know that’s something I’ll have to work on.
A house — that’s an investment. Kids — another investment. A car — yet another one. Being stretched thin in all those areas at once is hard. And for me to feel truly happy, I need to see the world. That’s why maybe it’s wiser to invest once in a good apartment, and then slowly start developing the summer house project, while saving up for travel and education.
It all sounds like a beautiful dream — but with the right person, and the right priorities, it’s possible. Especially if we both work.
In order to turn all these thoughts and dreams into reality, I know I need support — someone to be there, to ground me. On my own, I could never bring myself to navigate the process of buying and selling property. It’s not just a matter of practicality. I can’t take that step alone, not with the uncertainty of whether my dreams for the future align with someone else’s. The fear of making those choices, of risking everything when I’m unsure about the alignment of my vision with the person closest to me — it’s overwhelming.
I’m a woman — perhaps a bit of a coward, naive even, though I’m capable of thinking logically when I need to. But when it comes to stepping into such a huge risk, especially with something as daunting as contracts, money, and paperwork… I can’t face it without someone by my side. I don’t want to make those decisions alone. Not because I’m incapable, but because it’s not what I want. I want a partner who is willing to step into the unknown with me, to say, “Let’s face this together.