I. Hate. People. Why? Over the past week, I’ve lost count of how many times people have told me how much weight I’ve lost or asked why I’m losing weight. Or worse, the classic “Oh, you’re so skinny…”… Ugh, I just want to lock myself at home and never see anyone again!
So… the moment you start eating properly and going to the gym, you suddenly become “too skinny, stop losing weight” in everyone’s eyes? Is it really that hard to just be happy for someone who’s taking care of themselves? People always find something to criticize - either you’re too skinny or too fat. Screw that!
First of all, taking care of your health is a good thing. Yes, I smoke a lot, I’m stressed, and I carry a ton of negativity, but why the hell does everyone feel the need to dump their opinions on me? I’m honestly exhausted. There’s no support, no kind words - just people trying to drag me down.
And here I am, trying to keep my sanity, to stay positive despite everything weighing me down. Fighting against all these damn problems. Fighting against myself. Against my feelings, my emotions. Against everything - just to hold on to some shred of happiness, to have at least something to keep me from wanting to leave this life behind.
It’s hard carrying everything on my shoulders… But I try. I’m exhausted… But I have no other choice.
The person I loved left me. I cut off our friendship because his choice hurt me every single day, and I was unknowingly hurting him in return. And I would have kept hurting him…
It hurts. I could understand if he had left for a completely different woman, but this… This is something I can’t forgive, and it breaks me.
I can’t let another man into my life - no matter how hard I try. I can’t, not until I let go of him. And the worst part is, logically, I know I don’t want anything from him anymore. But my heart… My heart still misses his support, his kind words. I miss his warmth…
Everyone suffers because of me, and I suffer because of myself. It feels like a never-ending cycle of pain, one I’m desperately trying to break with my own strength and positivity…
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on… I need someone I can open up to… But I don’t trust anyone anymore.