I don’t know what’s wrong with me this weekend, but I’ve been feeling awful since Friday. Nothing really happened, yet my heart has been aching for three days now, and there’s this heavy sense that something bad is either about to happen or already has. I went back to smoking because I just can’t handle this emotionally. And today is overcast, my head hurts.
Could this be some kind of premonition, or is my body simply giving up? I went to the gym, but my chest felt so tight that I could barely do anything. Still, I tried my best to distract myself. Afterward, I crossed the street without looking around again…
I still haven’t managed to get in touch with work, though I can’t say I really want to. And now here I am, writing this and smoking… I feel ashamed of it, and frustrated. This anxiety makes me either want to poison my body or care so little that it doesn’t matter whether a car hits me or not.