Dear Diary,
Hi, I am tired as fuck, I tried to sleep around 2_2:30 am... after taking melatonin...then I didn't have that sound sleep, I woke up around 5 am with his alarm...then I slept... but mummy woke me up... still I took my time to get up...If I would have slept 6 in the morning...it would have been a deep peaceful sleep.
But I was supposed to travel.
I got ready, the LV perfume bottle got broken by papa and it took time to clean it...
We finally reached the airport, I didn't even sleep in the flight...I found that clouds don't look beautiful always...they are beautiful only at times. I also realised today that nothing excites me anymore... maybe this is what adulting is... for the first time my bag weighted 10-11kgs only at the airport.
As we landed, I got my periods also...it took 2 hrs to reach the hotel...I felt that I don't want to travel with my parents anymore...they need to travel on their own now...I am done...I can't entertain them more...we booked 1 room... but later I wanted to change it to 2 and my mum also suggested that... but we already made the payment so it couldn't be clubbed with that and we need to book another...she said that it's an online booking...so different amount won't be applicable, you need to book another at full fare although she offered discount but doesn't made sense...so I dropped the idea...
During the flight, I was lost, suddenly I have became a less talkative person, I was thinking about him only, things that happened, things that won't happen, whatever happened yesterday and so on...
I thought it would have been amazing if things would have been good with him and if we were visiting him, he would have come to the airport and we could have went to the lunch afterwards...then I thought I shouldn't think all these...
People around me can't understand my feelings as for them it was a prospect, didn't worked out, move to next, but it wasn't like that for me... only I and the concerning person can understand this...it was for a short time 6 months but I lived it fully, whole heartedly...I had in my mind that maybe someday something can happen if it will be in the destiny but after yesterday, I know it's never gonna happen,
what happened yesterday was very immature behaviour, I will write about it someday else...what I felt regarding it... what I thought... about past present...what I saw good and bad in that...
Anyways, right now, I am feeling well, emotionally I wasn't well already, now physically too...like all of a sudden, I am having headache or Idk what, I was okay when I reached the hotel, either I need a good sleep, maybe it will help or I am gonna fall sick for sure...
I am scared of marriage, I feel that I don't want to entertain my parents at this moment, how would I entertain someone else's parents for rest of my life, will I be ever able to live my life...or I will be always burdened with responsibilities...
I
need my space...my peace...my escape...