Dear Diary,
After the festival, I lied at home about going to Blr, but headed out to Rpr via Kolkata. I was happy, but as soon as I landed in Kolkata, I got a call from home. Looks like my mom called her mom, to inform about the dates in Feb and they had a fight.
Mom didn't want early dates since diju would be unavailable, and they retorted saying her brother would be unavailable from Feb. But the issue was, when I got a call, I was asked if I would be available to take care of my parents or would I give in to my wife and her parents and listen to only them. I was super pissed off and scolded everyone, then dad talked with me, and calmed me down. By then my phone was ringing with S' call too, I knew what she would say, and picked the call in due time.
She was angry too, and she was angry on her mom too. I calmed her down, asked her to talk to her mother and not be angry on her. She's her daughter and is supposed to leave her when she goes off to her sasural, and these fights would pain her mom from now itself.
That night, I kept on walking the streets, unable to figure out, how to deal with the family.
In Rpr, we had a good time, till it was not. One morning she got a call from her mother, and S decided to talk on speaker. Her mom was berating my mom, and I could not speak out, and neither did S defend. I understand it's her mother, but hearing someone speak ill about my mom, broke something inside me. The next day, when we were out, she got a call from some probable suitor, apparently her dad started looking out for other guys, and then that night we had a fight about me still being in contact with my ex, even if it was memes/reels. She went on to check my phone and found a chat backup from late August with my ex, and was aghast that I had messaged her asking to come back in my life. I tried everything to make her understand, that since the day she has come in my life, I had not tried any soft talk with anyone else, but it fell on deaf ears.
By the end of that night, I was too confused, I started relating to what my family had complained multiple times. I even started hating her mom, and started questioning myself, am I choosing right, especially since our families have the least compatibility. I had always advocated about having transparency about our past, but I never knew it would blow back on me. I wanted to tell S' ki I didn't had any feelings for my ex, but it dawned to me, ki sub-consciously, I never broke complete contact, since I was not sure about us. I was afraid what if something will break us apart, and I just wanted someone to talk to, when I would be all alone, someone I knew would understand me.
I somehow convinced my mom for January for engagement, and it was supposed to go down in 2 days. I was back in Blr, with so many mixed feelings and unanswered questions.