Dear Diary, Today was fine. I am writing at two in the morning because I can’t fucking sleep. My stomach hurts so much that it is hard to eat sometimes. I hung out with friends and got dinner with one. Why are relationships so dumb. I never realized in a million years they would be this complicated or difficult. I just want to pound my head against my keyboard because I am so done. It has been snowing more and next week it’s supposed to hit around the negatives. This means I won’t be able to go on my walks anymore due to the freezing cold. None of my job applications have gotten back to me. I need a fucking job. My dad texted me again but I ignored it like usual. I thought of Lucas again and how handsome he looked in his uniform. Anyway, I was scrolling in YouTube shorts when this guy started talking about rich people being defensive. He talked about how there was this one rich kid in his school and how that’s all people saw of him. The kid saying he wasn’t that rich and the guy being like hell yeah you are. He kept going on about how much he would want to be him and have that money. He was a little rude about the subject to be honest and it offended me. Now I didn’t live in a rich household but I definitely lived comfortably. A little while ago I was playing foosball with an RA. In the basement of my building it has a pool table and air hockey. I didn’t mean to say it in a flaunting way but I mentioned how I had those at home so I was pretty good and that we should play them sometime. I also told him I came from a private school because he asked what high school I came from. He then started making comments about how I must be so wealthy. We then started talking about pets and I said how I have had a lot of pets over the years, from horses to hamsters to fish. He then goes oh you guys owned horses? You guys must be super wealthy then. The RA then started talking about how he is on a pell grant and looks at me and goes you probably don’t even know what that is. He kept going on about how poor he was and how I had money. It got really uncomfortable. I feel like he thought I didn’t work hard to get where I was and money just solved everything. But that’s not true. I worked hard to get good grades and get a good ACT score to earn a scholarship. I pay for all my tuition and I am just as broke as any other college student. If I had money then why do I have a broken phone that gets all glitchy. Like Jesus Christ. Lucas was also the same way. He was all weird about me living in a more wealthy neighborhood and having such a big house. He came to my house once and he kept making little jabs at me. I think he also feels the same way about me not getting where I am through hard work. He did have better grades than me in the first semester and was a little flaunty about it. I wanted to remind him so badly about how I had a better GPA than him in high school and that is four years of schooling and compared to one semester that is impressive. Keeping a 3.86 throughout all of high school. And he had what....a 3.1? Maybe lower? How going to a private school means they are harder on us than a public school. How I took AP classes and had to do a senior thesis and got A’s in all those classes. Also how I had a way better ACT score than him. I got a 26 while he got something like a 20. He is from the east so he took the SAT so when converted to ACT terms it didn’t look so good. How I was the one with the scholarship and not him. I wanted to say it so badly but I didn’t. Freaking want to slap those people in the face. Just because I lived comfortably doesn’t mean I lived comfortably. I had hardships just like anyone else. Just because we had money doesn’t mean all my problems were solved. Money couldn’t fix the broken relationships I had. Money couldn’t fix my depression and anxiety. Money doesn’t help with my social life. Money doesn’t help me do better in school. Money can’t fix as much as people think it can. It takes work also. If I could just throw money and get cured of my anxiety and depression I would have done it already. When it comes to my schooling my parent’s pay nothing. They help with housing and that’s it. I am still human like the person next to me. Also me living comfortably is literally not my fault. I was just born in a family like that. I can’t fucking control that lol. I want to fucking poke my eyes out. I know people say to always focus the positive but writing this out helps me release steam. I am going to go to bed now, it’s 2:30 in the morning. Goodnight. Or I guess I should say goodmorning.