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Dear Diary,
I read somewhere,
"December k bichre kabhi nahi milte, so krep your relationships, friendship strong as it is December".
Hi!
Dear diary, why life is so difficult or I should say unfair. I know, I know, when I will look around, I will feel that I have been blessed all my life, there are people suffering and I should show some gratitude towards life, I know. There was a time when I actually started practicing gratitude. But can't keep the habit on.
Anyways, I try my hardest to avoid anxiety and all but can't help it. I get anxious very soon these days. I feel life is repeating itself, I have locked myself inside the home, I don't see sunrise, sunset or how the day even looks like.
I am feeling so cold right now...itta thand toh hai bhi nai...I am lying down inside my comforter, my safe place.
Today, I was so unproductive, kaam krne ka bilkul mann nahi tha, there are so many things on my plate, so many things on my mind but I am doing nothing. Even ki I prepared the black coffee, I had it and I was supposed to go the gym but I got no motivation at that moment, so I decided to get back to the bed. I watched a movie on Netflix to change my mind because opening Instagram makes me sad. I am just fed up of Instagram, all my feed is filled with engaging reels, photos, wedding lehengas , cute romantic reels and so on. I tried to change the algorithm but Instagram just sucks at this sometimes.
I turned on Geyser so that atleast I will get a shower fir 2 ghante baad band kr di. I thought I will go out somewhere but abhi mann nahi hai.
Why is everything so difficult, why I am so unlucky, kabhi kuch chahun aur wo mil jayega khushi khushi ho sakta hai kya? 2 din khush reh lu fir 3rd day koi na koi problem arise hona...yaar marriage alliance na ho gaya...jung ho gaya hai...I even cried for few minutes today after seeing reels on Instagram and overthinking.
I think atleast I should get a shower and get some drinks and sleep.
And this app also sucks, neither I can upload any picture nor I can select the emoji for the note. Everything sucks, life sucks! Destiny sucks! And this cold š„¶ š¤§ also sucks. (18:00)