Dear Diary,
13:50
Hi,
I am feeling quite low since yesterday evening or night. And I know Reasons behind it. I often think what am I doing with my life, how can I be so non serious about everything, how can I be so lazy. I don't know why I am beaving in such a way, I was the person who used to work so well under pressure, what is this I don't know these days, I feel that I am under so much pressure but I do not do anything to reduce the pressure or like to act something to get rid of this pressure.
I might have failed many times in life but this time I have a sureshort feeling that I will fail. I don't want to fail this time I don't want people to get a chance to speak against me.
I am struggling with two things - work, nowadays, there are days I feel like giving up on everything. This month when I disbursed the salaries, I felt it was such a waste of money coz they did not work well the past month, and I felt they work for money only and hold no values above that, if they could outperform they could learn something or so...but anyways I have always prioritised giving salaries on time no matter what.
But this time, I will handles things in a different way, I will not let them sit and have their salaries, they will have to work more than they are earning.
I feel that I should leave all this behind and get a job but then, I also think that getting into a job will surely make me stess less about things, as I will be working for someone, I will not have to stress about various things to get things aligned but at the same time, in any city or any good job, any position, will I be able to make good money, any amount of money can never be satisfactory but still will I be able to land in a job which will give a sufficient kind of feeling for the present scenario?
Anyways, I have thought on that too. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I will study a little bit and revise all the things which I am not performing in present. I need to get a good grip on Google Ads as well as that is a little weak point of mine and on Monday I will make my resume and from that onwards I will be applying for some jobs and let's see what happens next.
But today, I need to focus on Social Panda and I have to work hard to keep things happening. I have to be determined again. I am taking all the things so lightly and that's not good at all. I need to get back and work around the clock to make things better.
Second issue is I need to shred a lot of fat, this is also the biggest reason I can't focus on anything. coz ,all the time I keep thinking about this only. I don't know if I could loose weight, fat everything or not, I will try but there is a lot of pressure which kinda holds me back. I never felt this much pressure and need to get slim as I am feeling since last month. I don't know if I could ever achieve the desired results or not...but this thing is kind of affecting my mental health, the need, the urgency, everything is not letting me get a breath of peace.
Life sucks... anything I want to do with myself or my life is what I want to do or when I want to do, definitely not like this.
But anyways, there are and will be days when you will not have choices in life. So... let's see where my life and destiny takes me to... hoping for the good.
At this time, I just want to go somewhere and disappear for a long/short duration. I want to feel energetic, enthusiasm again.
Today, my parents are coming. They will be reaching here in 3 hours I guess and I don't know how will things go...coz they will also keep me busy.