Dear Diary,
"Jo mil jaata hai wo aam hi ho jaata hai, khaas wahi hai jo kaash me hai"
Hi, 11:22 pm
I don't know how was the day, everything was fine today. I am at my hometown. Winters have arrived I guess. It was a normal day, no drama today. In the evening we had dinner with Aaru, Yash, Bhabhi. Atleast I feel that my little girl loves me unconditionally, no intentions hidden, I can feel her love and attachment towards me and all that is so pure.
I might be getting engaged on 16th Jan. I was so against marriage and everything but girls have na those visualisations matlab ki shaadi nahi karni but Dulhan banna hai, aise functions honge, ye hoga, wo hoga sab imagined hota hai bas ladka imagine nahi kr paate hain baki sab chiz, maybe thodha bahut toh mera bhi hoga hi...
And about how am I feeling?
Genuine answer is idk, I am not that excited, happy - maybe, when I met him and when I realised he can be the one tab se intezaar kiya tha is moment ka but jab ye moment aa raha hai, wo happiness, wo excitement nahi hai, I am planning things for sure, but I am feeling that everything has changed, the person I said yes to has changed, I am not able to connect with him, he is avoiding me somehow, maybe all the chaos that has happened has lead to this situation or simply boys get bored after the chase is over, or what has happened Idk, but I don't feel that things are fine. Let's see what happens in future. I talked to someone and she said that sabki shaadi me aisa hota hai but drame hote hain, it's normal, so I am believing in her theory.
And maybe there are things that happened a few days ago which he might have not liked is me browsing his phone, but I don't understand about the obstinate behaviour of being in touch with a few people which is not required, I mean the life will not change even a bit even if there is no existence of that person in your life but staying in touch on a regular basis, sharing your bad days with that person instead of me...has also left me with bad feelings, and when I am saying, I didn't like this or avoid few things, person has turned himself off over such things. This behaviour is also holding me back.
And kuch dino se mujhe usse kuch bhi baat bina soche bolne se pehle sochna chahiye aisa lag raha hai.
I don't like cold behaviour from anyone. Either I confront them or leave them.
In any kind of relationship whether they are my parents, friends or anyone, I try to give my 100% but instead of reciprocation, when I receive the cold behaviour, it just turns me off.
Rest everything is fine.
I wish I was funny but I am not.