It is just me who think this way 🧠🪫

Dear Diary,

   If you don't know, in my previous diaries I have shared how hard time have been for me and all I did is blame the people around me for it. 

   Never done any good in my life either. Well that aside, things have changed since. My last year in this school district. My last year kind of. People all around me are just so nice these days, it's like no one's hating on me. Which is actually nice. I appreciate the positivity. But it's too late to be nice. I am leaving the country and now they are being nice to me? such a big loss I will have once I leave, I just can't get my friends of my head. I will truly miss them; I would never be able to see them again because I don't have a phone yet. 

  My house as soon as I enter smells and feels like disappointment. My parents are disappointed. My friends are cheering me on and I do a lot of work, I push myself above my limit. I get headaches all the time. I am at the point where I want to quit. I did not just figure but I know people just don't seem to care about other people's mantel health and addictions and all they care is if the person is doing good to the society and being "productive". 

   I just don't like this anymore, I am tired, but I push myself. Why because everyone else around me is probably pushing themselves to and why can't I Tho? I am at a point where no I am not alone, but I am lonely. No one would care or be affected if I were to exist or not exist. My friends would not even remember I existed in like a few years. It's like being there and not being there at the same time.