This writing is supposed to be daily. I'm supposed to spend a few minutes writing about my day, how I feel, what I plan to do. There are no stakes here, nobody is watching; nobody here knows me; nobody is judging my writing; I will not lose friends or clients because of this; it's supposed to be easy, an autopiloted flight, but yet I'm dragging myself along.
How long has it been now since I started? 4 weeks, I think. Ya, more than 30 days ago and I've not had more than a 7 day streak. It's supposed to have become second nature, but I'm still dragging myself along.
What will I do today? 13hours is already gone since midnight, I have less than half the day to go and I've not done anything reasonable. I've not done anything that I want to do yet, and I'm still sited here, on my bed, dragging myself along.
Tumblr is easy to use, all I need to do is click 'create' and write whatever I want. Something my future self will look at and be proud, or learn from. Something that will benefit me somehow, an outlet for my feelings. Yet, I'm still here dragging myself along.
I don't know what I'll be doing in the next hour, but right now by making this diary entry, I'm actually doing something I said I would do. It doesn't feel fun and both my mind and body don't want to do this, but I've almost finished doing it, simply dragging them along.
Dragging myself along might work. I don't want this, but I will drag myself till the dark side bows. Nice, I didn't expect for that to sound poetic; what would happen if I continue to drag myself along, only Future Joshua knows.
There's something I wanted to include here: I think it might help for me to focus my strengths on the good things I can do, rather than on fighting some bad things. I could focus on building helpful habits rather than on fighting terrible ones. We will see whether they will cohabit eventually.
Which habit can I start with? It might also help to focus on habits that build the "Successful Joshua, rather than those that fight the bad tendencies of the current me.
Okay. How about we see if we can do a 3 days streak.
Let's start there.
See you tomorrow.