May 08, 2024


Dear Diary,

At what age did you started crushing on someone?

At what age did you started crying over someone?

At what age did you first experienced your unrequited love?

At what age did you first experienced having a person alter the background color of your reality and turned it into pastel colors?

I've always wanted to experience a love where I could dedicate the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. It's my favorite song, as someone who understands everything and everyone, and also deep down wishing someone would understand her.

But after trying love for the second time, I quickly understood what the universe is telling me. It's simply not for me, romantic love is simply not for me.

I knew that heartbreak was the ending of my last relationship but I still went with it thinking that it would hurt less since I was already anticipating the ending, I enjoyed it while it lasted, so I can't really get mad at anyone because it ended. It was my decision, I knew the consequences and so I'm responsible for my own emotions afterwards.

Even though I felt somewhat betrayed.

Even though I felt like a second lead in their story.

And where do second leads go after the main characters get their happy endings?

Where do second leads get disposed to after being used?

Where do I go?

I can't see myself trying for love again anytime sooner, so I'm thinking of accepting my fate, raising my white flag, and giving out my fairy tale books to those who were meant to experience those kinds of stuff.

I'm thinking of giving up my fairy tale and focusing on reality. At least that's what I want myself to believe. But knowing myself, I don't think I'm fully giving up on something that I'm still writing about.

At what age did you decided to give up on your fairytale?

At what age did you realize that it's best if people don't get that close to you?

At what age did you started to hide your vulnerability in fear of being too much?

And at what age were you proven wrong?

Undeniably someone still KINDA hopeful,


Decided to finally write about the stuff to finally move on. Ive been coping by working out and studying but I still find myself feeling affected about my last relationship, asking if am I really that easy to dispose? So, now Ill try to give time to those thoughts by writing my story. 

In the story that Im writing, the woman writes on her online diary as well so I guess Ill be posting her thoughts  and entries here... which is also my thoughts and entries... cuz im writing a story about what happened.

ugh i just woke up and cant english