May 01, 2024

 

Dear Diary,


Another lovely migraine yesterday, definitely the worst one I've ever had, which is saying something. I genuinely wanted to die, fuck the pain was just... Worse than ever I guess. 

It crept up on me, and in like 20 minutes it was over for me. Fucking lethargic. I went to sleep thankfully, but then lo and behold, I wake up three hours later, the pain so bad that I just started sobbing like a kid becayse I just wanted it to be over. It actually scared me, I was terrified it was never gonna end. 

Threw up like 6 times in a row, then 4 more times, and thankfully that did the trick, the pain subsided a little and I was able to fall asleep. 

Thank god for M, once again. He took such good care of me. Held my hair back when I was throwing up, bought me a cold towel, opened the window for some fresh air even though it was five in the morning and it was fucking cold. I kept saying sorry and thank you, he kept saying it's okay, don't apologize, I'll always be there to take care of you. It makes my heart swell, I love him so very much, even though it feels like I don't deserve it. I'm not worth the trouble I think. 

Anyway, thankfully it's over now. But it scared me, I've never had such a rough time before, I genuinely wanted to die. A migraine brings back my worst feelings and thoughts, seriously? Fucking nightmare. 

I'm really, really thankful these don't last longer. 

I'm gonna need to play some Stardew Valley to make myself feel better 🐱⭐





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