March 31, 2024


Dear Diary,


I don't know why this happens, somedays it become so difficult just to live. I want the time to fade, yet the fading time gives me anxiety. 

I am kind of feeling alone today, i know there is mom and sweety and there is work to do, but i dont feel like doing it. 

Not feeling great about my body and health, i know something is going off the track. And i feel lazy. 

I spent some time trying to learn new stuff, but feeling very directionless. I am not like i used to be before, to many anything. 

I want to spend time wisely and yet i end up doing just nothing. 

I flew the drone for sometime today, not feeling great about that either. I could probably go to the neighbouring plot and fly it, but not feeling like it. 

Somewhere back of the mind, i feel i have this resistance, because whatever i want to do, i am unable to associate it with any meaning, any purpose. Any everything i start, i fail to finish that. Because it either becomes too difficult or i loose the motivation on the way. 

Whats happeing with spanish, body building, genetics course, i left everything in b/w. And then like a needle, the thought of not having a partner just keeps poking me as it just appears for a moment and go away and then appear again in a loop. 

But i dont want to go out and look for anyone right now, i know i am desperate right now, i'll look for it once i am not. I don't know if i'll ever be, though. 

All n all, not going a good day today. I think i should go for walk.