Dear Diary,
I need to have a lot of strength to believe in god today.
Once again, i am in search of the light.
You'll call me crazy, and believe me, i think that about myself too right now. That i am crazy, dumb, dead drop stupid.
First i am crazy to take myself into these situations again and again, second, i am crazy to overthink about things despite knowing the grand sense of the universe and third i must be crazy talking about such stupid things and writing to you and god only knows, what people who would read this think about me. Yeah, I am crazy.
A week after the new year, i went back and edited my new year note, i wrote that "I am done with all the girls now, i know by now that she is the one". Its only 2 and half months. And i am crying and thinking bad things about her, thinking that maybe she was just using me all along. And i keep telling everyone about ram dass and how i have really learn to have less expectations and all, truth is, i haven't learnt anything. I am still the same idiot, who could not save a break up today.
I am just crazy. There is no other explaination.
All and all, I don't know once again, light will come from which way now. I dont know how i am going to hold my tears in public from tmrw on. It get so difficult to be in front of mom and everyone.
God please, make it last now. Tell me that i have learnt everything i had to with her. So i can feel less stupid. It's bad, you nkow, calling yourself stupid, you dont just trust anything then.
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- I excercised today
- Worked for about 8 Hrs
- The watermark project i did was appreciated by everyone
- Did spanish lesson
- Broke up with her. Once again.
What went well today
- My work was appreciated, My PR got approved without a comment.
- I am free from her now.
What did not go well
- I could not save us from break up again. I did not want to do that.
- I proved again, i am not mature yet.