February 18, 2024

5
Comments

Dear Diary,

When I was around 7, I think I accidentally spilled my food in my bag. My mom found out about it and threw my food container on the floor and she made me pick up the rice one by one.

When I was 8-9, I left food in my bag for several days, one of it was boiled egg so the bag started smelling after a few days. I don't know why I didn't take it out. I think I forgot or I was afraid that she'll get mad if she finds out? She made me walk back home while driving her car next to me. School was 30 minutes from home, still a weird punishment. She only punish me when dad's not around. I resented her for that because of how pretentious she was in front of my dad.

She used to make fun of me for eating more than 2 meals a day. Another weird habit of hers. I end up developing ED for 2 years.

She would tell me things to make me insecure like my voice is annoying and no one likes me. I believed in her and became closed off.

She'll vent her feelings to me constantly. But if I get angry one time, then somehow I'm the problem or I don't appreciate her enough. Her source of unhappiness was her marriage with my dad, but instead of getting mad at the person who caused it she directed them to me.

Well, that's just a part of it. These memories came to mind just now. All I can say is, it's very hard to like her.

I heard this in a video this week, "Your pain and trauma isn't your fault but it is your problem". I'm still trying to process that because yes, people have been horrible. But I also know I can't let my past define me.

Sky✓

Feb 18, 2024 · 50 views

Comments (5)

WingFeb 22, 2024

It is people's job to talk, ignore the ones that give you hate and analyze the ones who motivate and give you accurate feedback. It is sometimes hard for parents and children to get together; your mother must be very stressed try to understand her point of view, you guys maybe will get along. You sound like an amazing person keep up what your goal is and ignore any negative feedback towards you. Good luck 🍀

SkyFeb 20, 2024

oh wow, i didn't expect to get this many heartfelt comments.. thank you @lunar, @C, @creature. it makes me happy to see there's still good people out there. i really hope the kindness you guys show to me will return to you ten times fold. <3

LeaenaFeb 19, 2024

Just as your name, sky only knows the limit. You are the most possible and most precious piece of sky. Your mother was never romantic enough to know your worth and thats okay. because the sky has stars and moons embedded in it. Fear not your past or her words, just know that whatever happiness may come, you are worthy of it. And if bad times taunts you, you are worthy of fighting against it.

Lydia Rose Feb 18, 2024

Im so sorry your mother was like that. It always makes me so angry to hear these stories, children being destroyed by their parents, the people they're supposed to trust the most... The best i can do is know that thanks to my mother, i will NEVER treat my child like that. She taught me all the things never to do.

1984_Lunar_EclipseFeb 18, 2024

"I'm sorry to hear that. In scary times, I always take rainbow breaths and count to the highest number I know. I also remember the saying, 'You can write a love letter with all your heart, but sometimes you can't receive with it.' This means you should always try your hardest, but sometimes things don't work out. Just remember that everyone who truly loves you has your back."

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