January 11, 2024

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I'm sorry I have a headache, and staring at the screen of my cellphone isn't helping -- at all. Also, I'm sorry this will be a rambling mess and coherence probably already said goodbye. But it really feels like someone stuffed my head with cotton, and now the pressure inside is so great it feels like there's no space for my brain and my eyes. I hate when this happen, and it had been a time since I had one this bad. But I still felt the need (obligation really) to come here and write, even if only one measly paragraph, because I'm trying to be consistent, so I can feel I'm not failing at least in one area of my life. 

(For some reason a quote from John Green's book Turtles All The Way Down popped into my head, and it won't leave, but it feels kind of fitting somehow. I guess because I identified a lot with that book, and sometimes it fell like he was reading my mind. Which, with the amount of intrusive thoughts that keep appearing out of nowhere all the time, it felt kind of creep, but again not the point. It's the scene about the mustard. About Aza's personallity being compared to eating musrtad --I'm not going to check, leave me alone, my head is hurting enough as it is, I don't need to search for a page in a book! Okay, found the page - 157 till 159. And amazingly, I already knew what it was there, but the overall meaning is that eating mustard in small quantities can taste good, but too much is kind of overwhelming. And I guess, today as per usual, I ate only mustard.)

Sometimes being inside my head is really hard (most of the time, I tell myself under my breath, as I also want to scream: stop being so dramatic!). Again hard. Just hard.



S
solivagant✓
Jan 12, 2024 · 30 views

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S
solivagantJan 13, 2024

We kind of feel like two lost pieces of the same genetic puzzle. Migraines are a special type of torture, I don't think there's nothing harder than fighting an enemy that knows you well as yourself, and living is hard enough without our own bodies bringing us down. Having this terrible headaches feel sometimes like a treason, I like to think my mind (sharp and rational, working) is the best part of me and losing it so easily always leave a bitter taste on my mouth. If I had to choose a song it would be something like Shinedown A Symptom of Being Human: "And the house is on fire and there's no alarm and the walls are melting too." Please, don't apologize. I really appreciate the company, even though I wish the circumstances were better. Thank you for your compassion and, especially, your words.

L
Lydia Rose Jan 12, 2024

I get migraines regularly since i was a kid. Reminds me of Pink Floyd : "when i was a child, i caught a fever, my hands felt just like two balloons". Always feels like there are a million bees in my brain and someone kack hammering my forehead. Im sorry for your pain, and the intrusive thoughts, and the feeling that yoire being dramatic (youre not, youre suffering, its ok) im sorry about my ramblings, I seem to identify with every single word you write ...

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"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."

— Criss Jami