I do this thing to myself where I believe that pain is noble, that being in pain is edifying somehow, that I'll get to be a better person on the other side. But no, there's no grace in being a martyr, nothing grand about suffering, and maybe I just need to swallow my pride and accept that I'm not alone, that I don't need to be alone. Accept that there's people who care about me, people who yearn to help me if only I would let them. I'm tired of taking the higher road. I'm tired of the crushing weight on my chest, tired of the insurmountable lump in my throat.Tired of holding my breath till my lungs burn, keeping the sobs buried inside and refusing to cry. I just want it to stop, please, make it stop.
I don't want to hurt anymore.