January 10, 2024

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I do this thing to myself where I believe that pain is noble, that being in pain is edifying somehow, that I'll get to be a better person on the other side. But no, there's no grace in being a martyr, nothing grand about suffering, and maybe I just need to swallow my pride and accept that I'm not alone, that I don't need to be alone. Accept that there's people who care about me, people who yearn to help me if only I would let them. I'm tired of taking the higher road. I'm tired of the crushing weight on my chest, tired of the insurmountable lump in my throat.Tired of holding my breath till my lungs burn, keeping the sobs buried inside and refusing to cry. I just want it to stop, please, make it stop.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

S
solivagant✓
Jan 11, 2024 · 42 views

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S
solivagantJan 12, 2024

I feel like we're having a conversation up in stages, kind like of spystolary entrances being piled up till they form a full story. And who knew this could be possible in this era of glass screens and technology? I just read your reply to my comment on your diary's entry before I realized you had also been as kind as to read my sad attempt at organizing my rambling mess of thoughts into sentences, and now I kind of want to reply to both, but I also don't want to sound like a stalker. Anyway, what I wished to say is that you made me smile, thank you for your kindness.  <3

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Lydia Rose Jan 11, 2024

i want to copy paste the comment you left on my last post because this is exactly how i feel about this one. So often i comfort myself in my pain, because if it makes me stronger, how bad can it right? Truth is, there are so many other things that make you stronger. Thank you for reminding me of that kindred spirit

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"Journal writing is a voyage to the interior."

— Christina Baldwin