December 17, 2023

I am confused what to do with my life, confused where to head.

The only question coming in my mind is

Should I Join Business Now or Corporate Will Be Better?

I am currently in 1st year at an engineering college which i got into after clearing JEE Mains in which i got 95+ %il, but which honestly i kinda scored it by luck and guessing, i haven't studied for last 3 years, like nothing i think you can understand,  nothing means nothing,

And now i am in a decent college,but i am unable to study, like i have failed 3 out of 5 cources, earlier i used to be studious guy, like almost most people are in their childhood. I was good, study was fun, i enjoyed those, always scores good, but during and after corona, i never studied, no one was to check me ,so i never studied, somehow managed to pass boards and JEE, But now i am unable to concentrate,

Whenever i try to study i got irritated, i got anxious, i feel depressed, even someone talks about study, i feel uncomfortable, want to change the topic, i can't go long with situation. We have a family business, earning is very good, but workload is little high, i don't know what my parents think about my future, i have never talked about my future with them, my every decision was taken by me, which field, which college, everything.

2 year ago, my elder brother (bare papa son's)has also joined our business after doing job for 2 years, 

If i didn't decide now, i will waste Lakhs of money probably 20 Lakhs, for nothing,

A confession- i have a girl, and when i think if i join business will we get presonal space, or will we able to enjoy our company as we live in joint family, my father with 2 his brother, its very good and fun to live in such a beautiful family, but i thought those 2-3 years just after marriage will be a lot good and enjoyfull if me and my wife were living alone, enjoying ourselves.

Let see what i will conclude, but i am unable to study, i haven't studied for 3 years, and now, there are chances i will never able to sgudy, so joining business will be a lot better?????

I dont know, i have lost my fucking mind 

Or

Am i just running from hardwork??????

I have to 2 priority

1st my relationship with my girl and how we enjoy each other

2nd be good and don't to hardwork where i don't have to go in future