Dear Diary, I'll call you Rick from now on. Coz I want share everything to a person. As you know I can't even imagine a person in my mind or in my dreams. Atleast all I can do is: giving a name to a "can't even imagine" person.
I understood again. Whatever I do, whatever i hope, whatever i think, whatever I make me to move on.. "I'm gonna suffer at the end. There gonna be no one to fix me. Or make me suffer less or not suffer anymore.
I don't know where I can find my home. I'm a homeless person.
My family aren't a family. My friends aren't friends. So then.. where can I find my home???
How does it feel like to get scolded on for suffering. Yesterday night I didn't taken my meds coz I was too tired and slept. My mom told to to take before I sleep. But I just slept. At midnight, or early morning I don't know. I had a sudden cough. It doesn't stop. My parents were sleeping in the same room. And my mom said: you woke me up because of your cough. You didn't even let me sleep. I can't sleep anymore. And my dad said: ** I don't want to mention. It's dark and I'm afraid to get up. I drank water but it never stops. I can't control my cough. I cried and tried to cough less.. without sound. It was the worst moment. I wanted to disappear at that moment. Where can I find parents who cares?? I don't want to beg them to care for me. But how can they say that to me. I'll never forget. And i don't want to forget. It's not the first time. But still it's a fresh deep strike again in my heart. I remember it all. I won't forget..... you can't scold when someone's suffering. Not someone.. but your own child.💀