hey you. Hi. It's been a long time seeing you again. What's wrong?? You are writing again? Are you in pain?? How long did you hold up?? It's fine. Let me hug you. It's alright. It's alright. It's gonna be alright. I'm here with you. I'll keep you safe. Talk to me or just lean on. I'll hear you. I'm seeing you rn. And I'm the one you are seeing rn.
Pls. Pls. Pls hold me tight. I'm falling. It's killing me. It hurts. I can't.. I can't.. pls. Pls. Hold on to me. Pls see me. Pls notice me. I'm a human too.
I'll hold on to you. Only you. What makes you suffer?
Why am I nice to everyone? Why am I available to everyone? Why I believe in ppl? Why am I giving too much of me to everyone? Why am I giving too much love to everyone?? I don't want ppl to return all the love I gave them. I just want a little. A little to keep it as a hope. A hope that makes me alive. A hope that wakes me from dead again and again. You know why I take photographs and videos of friends? It's becoz I know I won't get to see this moment again.. I know I won't be happy like this again. I love to capture people laughter coz I can't capture mine. I smile and laugh but it never came from happiness. True happiness. I just smile and laugh with emptiness.. I love to take and show pictures and videos of ppl and love to see them smiling and laughing of themselves. I love them, care for them, available for them.. even though sometimes it looks like they been using me. I forgive them.. I be with them coz they were like my family.. I seem them as my family. And they too say in those words. Yeah we r a family... but I don't feel like one. Everyone ignores me. No one notices me. They only need me. But don't want me. They ignore me like I don't exist. But then again they be like: what's wrong? And those sweet words. Words mean nothing when action fails to show that. I don't belong anywhere. I hate it when they won't even hear what I say, when they shut down my excitement abt something, when they do like they r always right. I hate those laughter and giggles od ppl infront of me. I'm the excluded one for everyone. Ppl took me as take it for granted.. I hate everyone. I feel like I don't want anyone. At the same time, I don't wanna be alone. What'll happen to all the good ppl in the end????