Dear Diary, I just went to a movie kind of hoping I would meet Spike. She invited me to Karaoke with a lot of her other friends two weeks ago. There we talked about this korean filmfestival that she helps organizing. I had already looked at the movies and found one that sounded interesting. It's about this fungus growing in a matttress that kills people by ripping out their spines. I said that I wanted to see that one and she said that she would see it too along with some other people from the festival staff. So I planned to go there. To be clear this isnt really about romance anymore I have long excepted that she isnt into me and that is fine. I just wanted to feel like I am a part of something, like I can meet people and they see me as an equal. So I planned and asked in the whatsapp group with Knight and C who also said they were going to the festival. But they wanted to see Oldboy at that time. So a week ago I wrote Spike that I was planning to go. I didnt want to bother her or anything but I thought it would be good to confirm since before I only said I was interested. She answered but it was very formal. This was probably a mistake, but I wanted to be normal and communicate you know. So today I went. It was pretty late at night, 22:30, but I took the train early and walked around for an hour or so. I bought my ticket even though I didnt know where she was going to sit, but I didnt want to bother anyone with asking which probably would have been weird again. I picked the balcony and went to my seat. It turned out I was right because 5 minutes later she and the others arrived and sat two rows in front of me. She hadnt noticed me and went to the toilet first. When she came back I thought she looked in my direction and I waved but she didnt react. So the movie started. I liked it but that isnt what this is about. After the movie I went down to the boxoffice and waited there. They came too and even though I was standing right there and she stopped right next to me she still didnt notice me. I said hey, but she didnt hear me (Maybe it wasnt loud enough?) I listened to their conversation for about 10 minutes. When they were ready to leave she finally noticed me. She said "Oh hey how are you?" I said "Good, I liked the movie. Then she said bye and left, I said bye too and went in the opposite direction.
People won't believe me or others when we talk about how men like me are ignored. They will say that we are exaggerating when we say that it feels like nobody cares about us unless we act in that dumb, lound stabdardly "manly" way. They simply dont get it. I just want to feel like I am part of a group that understands me and acknowledges my individual traits. If I cant even have that how am I ever supposed to find a girlfriend. Nobody cares about men like me. we are just fucked I bet she only invited me to the Karaoke so that Knight would know one person more. That is all I just wanted to tell anyone about this, since there is nobody else.