Dear me,
I wanna improve myself. (Since years actually.) However, I wanna be more sporty. My current goal: be skinny and sporty.
Goal for tomorrow (in a few hours): Wake up at 4am and workout for one or two hours. (In my bedroom.) After that, I will have school from 6.40am to 5.45pm (way to school and back home is included). I will try not to forget doing vacuum excersices during the day as much as I can.
This plan would fit for actually everyday. But on thursdays and fridays (and weekend) I can go for runs after school (or at weekends in the morning). But I'm really insecure about going for a run. Cuz I am already tired after one or two minutes of running. What will people think? Oh, and I wear a hijab. Is it strange for a hijabi girl to go for a run? I mean, I would wear like those sport hijabs. But also long clothing - is it strange? (Cuz I live in a non-muslim country, so people might think 'wtf is she doing over there')
But actually that's not my main problem.
I'm afraid of being judged when I go for a run outside. Should I just do it? Should I just five a fck about everything and do that run? Actually, I'm so so afraid. But I wanna have that skinny and sporty body. I wanna be confident. I wanna come out of my comfort zone. I feel too comfortable rn, I feel like I have to make a change to develop myself.
Oh my gosh why am I crying.
I am struggling cuz of my body since years (!) but I never did something really changing. I was always stick for a diet or workout for max. a few weeks. And that's it.
But how can I keep going?
I'm so afraid. But I wanna do it. I'm so afraid, I feel ashamed.
Actually, I don't know what I'm feeling.