Hey, it's been a while.
I'm at DOCR. I feel... I don't know. Somber is the closest I can think to describe it. Ally confessed her love again and I shot her down again. Same old same old. God is it so exhausting.
I went to boogie last night and met a girl from Israel named Netta. She was captivating with how she danced. She picked me and we danced the night away, making out, getting handsy, and getting yelled at by security. I walked home alone with the biggest smile on my face. I got her info and we've been chatting. She goes home in a week but I'm sure we will see each other. But at the same time I'm stressed. Why am I stressed? Because there's an expectation set? An obligation? Or is it just Ally. I don't know.
It gets dark early now. DOCR is playing lots of softer, piano based music. It's giving winter vibes. I love sitting here in the winter. It's so much more cozy than in the summer. I started my first journal entry here last winter. What a year it's been. I remember doing well for a while back then, but I think it was just because Ally and I were in a good spot and I had a huge crush on redhead barista. I remember life going south after I found out she had a boyfriend. I don't know. Something about that hope and rush of excitement of a crush just gave me life.
I think the other barista is kinda cute, but idk if I'm just sexualizing her or actually like her. I know I don't like her like I liked the redhead. I think I just like the attention.
Dad spent two weeks with me working on Ally's.
I wish I was home. I should go home. But the thought of the drive feels like the weight of the world is on my chest. I wish I could just poof and be home even though it's only 10 minutes. I'm just gunna go home.